I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize