my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
