I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize