Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
