we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
