am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You can't special order awesome
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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