I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS