i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
