How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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