1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
