My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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