This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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