Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
