i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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