omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
