the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
