Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
