the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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