Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
