The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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