perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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