I think i peed on brittanys purse
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
