I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
