I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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