she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
