she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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