I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
