Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
