We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
