Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
