Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
