Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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