Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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