i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
