we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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