He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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