Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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