so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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