She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize