I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
