I am in a vortex of obligation.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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