Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
