I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Houston, we have a squirter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
