I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites