fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
