It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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