I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
