You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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