its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
