He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
