Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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