How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
