kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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