Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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