I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
