new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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