Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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